The Ernie and Bert Terror Alert

Nail Biting 101

Since I'm a writer, I should probably talk about books, the business, revisions, book covers, reviews, agents, editors, publishers, promotion, marketing, and deadlines. But there are so many people who do that so well that I think I'll skip that and talk about the things that interest me.

Like nail biting.

I have been a dedicated nail biter for a very long time. I started when I was about three, I think, and I have managed to perfect it as an art form. There's the bite-and-rip, which often leaves bloody corners in the nail bed. There's the nibble, where you just take chunks off the very end of the nail. And there is the cuticle-assault, where you gnaw on the dry cuticles until you expose raw skin. And always, there is the healing period where you look at your nails and sigh because they look like crap.

Nail biting is an activity that centers around anxiety and stress. There's dramatic- music-in-a-movie nail biting, which is my favorite. Lesser forms include I'm-late-for-work, my-husband-is-pissing-me-off, my-teenager-won't-look-me-in-the-eyes, and the ever-fun oh-let's-just-bite-because-that's-what-I-do.

So, imagine my surprise when I looked down the other day and realized that I hadn't bitten my nails in a really long time. They had actually grown to the end of my fingers! You can imagine my surprise at discovering that I had broken the habit of nail biting without doing a thing.

There are several theories floating around about how that could have happened. Someone (my husband) hypnotised me in my sleep. I was taken over by an alien. I don't have stress in my life anymore because I've reached a whole new level of consciousness and my all time favorite --I just don't know.

This is truly disturbing. Now don't get me wrong. I like having nails and everything. But I'm a bit perturbed that I've made this big life change and somehow I wasn't aware that I was doing it. And considering how much energy the other changes in my life have taken, this one is a real surprise.

To celebrate my new nails, I went out and bought some really expensive polish, a nail file, and cuticle oil. They are sitting on my desk so I can, at a moment's notice, primp those puppies. I've learned to file the sides so they don't look quite so wide (I guess I have big fingers). I can put on polish with my left hand (a feat that was not easily learned), and I do spend a lot of time admiring these rose-colored magnificants.

But I do have to wonder what's next? Will I wake up thin? Will my gray hair go back to being brown? Will my fallen arches suddenly rise to their original position? Are the lines on my face going to disappear?

This is the beauty of life. You just never know what's around the next corner.

This is Cool!

I applied to be a writing mentor to a teenager at Absynthe Muse the other day and I was accepted. I'm hoping to work with an incarcerated teen but I don't know when I start yet.

And I'm kind of excited about this. I really like to teach and I really love teenagers. So, I'll have to keep you informed.

I'm back from Eastern Washington. I had a great time with my 20-year-old. She is such a kick. Great sense of humor, goofy as hell, full of energy, and definitely lacking in the vocabulary department.

When she was about 17, she came to me one day to talk. "Mom," she said, "I'm having a problem. I'm really stressed with school and leadership and all."

So, I said, "Back off a little. Maybe you took on too much."

"Yeah, you're probably right," she answers. "I really am an overexceeder."

I start laughing. "It's not overexceeder, kiddo. It's overachiever."

She looks at me kind of dumbfounded. "Same thing," she says. "Then she kind of smiles. "And," she says, "no wonder I'm so worn out. I even make up words."

I'm Back -- Again!

It's been the summer of driving back and forth across Washington State. First, it was Spokane for the Fourth of July. Then it was Chelan for our summer vacation. And last it was to the unversity where my daughter is studying.

There is something really nice about seeing your children do well. Or watching them smile and laugh as they glide through life. I rode home feeling very grateful to have great kids, a nice husband, a home I love, and future that excites me because I know I am VERY fortunate.

I've Been Neglectful

I know, I know. My usually funny posts about something in my life have really slipped of late. Ever since I went on vacation, I haven't been able to get back into the swing of things.

I think what's happened is that I've been home too long. What I need is a new job and something to do eight hours a day. This sitting here at the keyboard and periodically clicking on every favorite link is getting old.

I know, I know. I could be writing. But there's no incentive. No pressure. No reason to get on with it. I'm really slipping.

I don't get out enough. My local mall is not that thrilling. There's usually three or four businesses going OUT of business and something new is always coming in, but
there's only so many times you can drool at the goodies in Victoria's Secret before you start looking like the town mental case. In fact, things are so bad that I forgot to use my $10 off birthday certificate from them. It just rattles me.

I've even stopped cleaning. And since my little Electrolux vacuum decided to die, I haven't felt so bad about doing nothing. I asked my husband to take it to the vacuum fixing guy and he lamented that he'd been there two times in the last month and the guy was going to start charging him more. He actually wanted me to take it to someone here, locally. I gasped and put my hand to my neck! He wanted me to do something? Go out and talk to the public? My God, the man has gone over the deep end.

I do have a lunch date with a friend tomorrow, at another mall. This one is much more entertaining. I could kill a day there.

Or I could go back to the casino. Last time I went, my husband warned me not to bet too high on those penny machines. Wouldn't want to let forty-five cents go down the drain at one time, no, not me. I was so traumatized by his warning that I bet one cent on the machines and it took me (gasp) six hours to lose $40. Actually, it was the longest losing streak I've ever had.

And that's another thing. When I came back from the casino, my husband tells me that maybe there is a message in the fact that I haven't won a dime at the casino in months. He gave me that tilted head look, the "honey, you're wasting good money" stare, but he said nothing else. I looked back at him. "Yes, there is a message here, I am sure of it. I need more practice!" And I planned my next deposit at the Tulalip Casino.

Don't you love Indian casinos? I do. There's nothing like the rush of five gazillion burning cigarettes to get your throat burning. And the thrill of winning, that one really gets me. There's a certain excitement as you watch a guy sit down at the machine you just lost on, put in a 9 cent bet, and win $85.00. Yep, it's exhilarating, especially since I'd been praying all day, "Give me a winner, Lord. Come on, let me win some money." So, finally He gives me a good machine and I move off it before it starts paying off.

I think that's what my husband meant about the message. That maybe somehow God was looking down and telling me to get my ass out of that casino. Well, if I do that, what am I going to do with all my time? Tell me, huh? Just what am I going to do?

Great Lyrics

My daughter played this song by Beck for me today and I'm just mesmerized by the lyrics. You have to listen to this. You can find it on Media Player by doing a search. It reminded me of a few relationships I had as a teen where I had to give up on people and leave them behind. Here are the lyrics:

Beck - Lost Cause Lyrics


Your sorry eyes
cut through the bone
Make it hard to leave
you alone
Leave you here
wearing your wounds
Waving
your guns at somebody new

[chorus]:
Baby you're a
lost,
baby you're a lost
Baby you're a lost cause

There's too many people
you used to know
They see you coming,
they see you go
They know your
secrets,
and you know theirs
This town is crazy,
nobody
cares

[chorus]

I'm tired of fighting,
I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost cause

There's a place you are going
You ain't never
been before
No one laughing
at your back now
No
one's standing at your door
That's what you
thought love was for

[chorus]

I'm tired of
fighting, I'm tired of fighting
Fighting for a lost
cause

Adding Content

In the spirit of better websites everywhere, I have added some content to mine today. One of the things that might interest you writers out there is the query letter writing article. There's also one on school bullying that actually placed in the Writer's Digest contest a while back (a long while back).

I've also put up a couple of other things, including a flyer for book that comes out in February.

Find them on the "other stuff" page on my website, which is here:
www.judygregerson.com



(Blogspot is screwing with my mind again and won't make my link appear, so if there are two links on your screen, just click on one.)

I'm Not Dead

Contrary to popular opinion, I am not dead. I'm back from vacation and trying to get into some sort of routine which will probably include finding a job now that summer is about over. Ugh!

But I need a diversion. I spent most of the summer working on pre-launch promotion for my forthcoming book, bad birls club, in February. It took hours and hours of research to get the information I needed to create the kinds of connections I want for publicizing my book. I've read four books on public relations (I worked in the field, so not much of it is new except the fine details of book promotion), a book on publicizing your book by an industry insider, and several other books on marketing (also my background).

And after about 6 weeks, I'm sick of it. Sick of all of it. I don't want to read another book, send another email, or contact another reviewer even if my life depended on it. I don't know how people do this full time because as fun as it was to jump into, it's equally fun to get away from. Not something I'd want to do full time. Ugh.

The book business is sometimes very exhausting. There is no end to the things you can do to publicize a book, but there is an end to my patience. I've reached it today.

But, after a few weeks rest, I'll probably be at it again. Meanwhile, I'm thinking of doing a reprint of my first book, in paperback this time, and getting that on the market to sell. I must be crazy.

In case anyone wondered

This is how the head shot turned out.

Fun in the Sun

Oh, the joys of vacation! Afternoons at the beach. Warm nights watching the sun go down. Good meals. Sun stroke.

Yeah, sun stroke. It's a real fun part of going on vacation. I've never had it before and I hope to never get it again, but two days ago I did get sun stroke and thought I might die.

I've been in the sun during the summer all my life. I've never had a problem. I use sun block. SPF 45, as a matter of fact. I hang on my floatie for hours every day and I've always been fine.

Not the other day. And it scared the crap out of me.

Everything was fine. I'd been at the beach for a few hours and came back to the condo to eat dinner. Suddenly, I was nauseous. Horribly nauseous. Then I became very hot. I didn't think much of it, and headed to the casino. While there, I became very weak and didn't think I'd make it home. I had no idea what was happening to me, but I knew I was getting very, very sick. So I headed back to the condo (and left my winning penny slot machine!). On my way home, I became disoriented and ended up at the grocery store rather than the condo. But I was able to pull it together and get back home. My husband took one look at me and handed me a big glass of water. I went to bed and after about 20 minutes, I could feel the weakness leave my body. The nausea went. My temperature dropped.

I ran into an EMT in town yesterday and told her about what happened. Yep, heat stroke she said. Not good.

I don't think I'll ever feel the same about going to the beach. I now have a six pack of Gatorade at my side. And bottles of water.

Five Days on the Family Yacht

I haven't posted for a while because I was getting ready for our annual trip to Lake Chelan, where I totally relax and have fun. Now I am here, relaxing and having fun and also catching up on what's happening in cyberspace. I cannot live without my laptop.

So, yesterday afternoon, after the crowds had left the beach, my husband I launched the yacht. There is nothing so fine as being on the water, feeling the rocking of the waves beneath you, and listening to the water lap upon the side of your boat. I love to sit there and feel myself go with the water as I look out on the lake and the hills that surround it.

"So, uh, what do you think?" the hubby says.

"Oh, this is very cool. Better than last year."

"Well, we had a better year, we can afford more."

"True, and daughter number one is buying her own food now at college. That helps a lot."

"Yeah, and even though you quit your job to publicize your book, we're still ok."

"That's right."

"So, what do you want to name her?"

"The family yacht?"

"Oh, I don't know. You have any ideas?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Such as?"

"How about we call it Floatie One and Floatie Two."

And we're back to reality.

"Darn you, why did you have to remind me that I'm on a floatie. I was really getting into the boat fantasy."

"Sorry."

"Yeah, sorry my foot!"

Graceful Like a Rock and 10 free ARCs

She was a woman who, between courses, could be graceful with her elbows on the table.
Henry James
(1843-1916)

Yeah, well, I put my elbows on the table all the time and I look as graceful as anyone else.

Well, the week is shaping up. And here's the blather on me.

Yesterday I had my head shot done by a professional photographer. Let's just say that my face muscles freeze when I have to pose for anyone, so it wasn't easy getting great pictures of me. But I need them and I have to have them right away, so I tried my best. He took 600 pictures and out of that, I think we'll probably get 10 really decent ones. I'll have proofs tomorrow and final copies in a week maybe. And that will be the end of that.

I've done my advising at college and I'm going to finish my degree. This might take a few years, but I can finish up all my requirements in two quarters and then move on to upper level stuff. I've wanted to do this for a long time since my first two tries at college were dismal affairs. Perhaps the third will be the charm.

I've made my list of who gets ARCs (Advance Reader Copies)of my book. If anyone out there wants one and is willing to do a review, send me an email and I'll see that you get one. That's unless I get four gazillion people asking for ARCs and I really don't have that many. So, let's say the top 10 people can have one. You need to tell me who you review for and where to send the book. And I would like a copy of the review.

That's it.