My Internet Has Fallen and It Can't Get Up!

bedlam
Definition: (noun) A place or situation of noisy uproar and confusion. (Like my desk today.)


Ok, I'll bite on the idea that heat wrecks computers. And I believe it only because both my friend's computers crashed today, another said hers acted like it might, and mine nearly did.

I think the AOL Virus and Protection Software Thingie lost its mind this morning and if the heat factor is what started up the AOL crankiness, I think this is what happened:

The Cranky Virus Protection Thingie (CAOLVPT) probably was not happy to begin with because it had to compete with AVG Virus Protection (AVGVP). AVGVP is very hot (as everyone knows), so I'm sure that jealousy is to blame. You know how jealousy works. You can't stand to see anyone else do well, so you plot your revenge in dainty little steps, as you plan on completely destroying your enemy. I'm sure that the CAOLVPT worked itself into a lather and then cast its venom upon my computer like a drunk throwing up a gallon jug of MD 20/20. It disabled AVGVP (mwahahaha) on the first wave of nausea. That had to have felt really, really good (and you know how it feels to get rid of some really bad hooch). I mean, how can CAOLVPT compete with a high class program like AVGVP? And now it was knocked on it's ass.

When it saw that it could get away with that, the second wave came, only this one was worse. It began an insidious and relentless attack upon the poor, pitiful components of my computer. First it disabled my CD drive, then my Control Panel, and finally Internet Explorer. Was that enough? NO, it wasn't. There were yet more waves to come. The last had empowered it to continued it's rein of terror (spewing of puke) by disabling YahooIM, my Start Taskbar, my Windows Media Player and my Dancer. (Can't tell you how much I missed that one.) You wouldn't have wanted to see my computer at this point, so I won't describe it.

But then, as it always is with revenge, the CAOLVPT began to turn its wrath upon itself, completely taking out the AOL program in one last bolt, sending sparks flying in every direction. Smoke bellowed from the box. Moans were heard. And then it died.

But I was not defeated. No, not I. At that very moment, God was looking down on me and parting the clouds as I busily worked away on my machine and I think I heard the sound of harps and a heavenly choir. It was one of those moments when you realize that life is worth living and you must press on, no matter what the cost! I uninstalled, I reinstalled, I pleaded, I begged, I promised. I lay prostrate on the floor and then I got up because I knew that my answer had come (belief is a powerful thing, you know).

Let's just say that I cleaned it all up in one felled swoop and managed to get everything running really well. The room became brighter and for a moment, I nearly felt divine. But when I got on AOL, all my saved mail was gone, as were all my links and my address book. I was able to import the mail and the links, but the address book is yet to be seen. AOL tells me that its server will find it and send it to me, but as of yet, it hasn't returned.

I will wait, though. I love my address book. It was the only casualty of this war (see the Crow War posts) but I am taking it hard. I will stand at my computer (OK, sit) and wait for it to pop its pretty little face upon my screen and then I will know that I have lived to fight another day.