What I have learned

I think I reached the apex of my intelligence when I was about 27. I remember working in advertising in New York City and realizing that I had everything figured out. I didn't think I had everything figured out. I KNEW I did.

I could tell you what people were all about just after spending a few minutes with them. I understood how the world worked, why people did the things they did, why the world was so darned screwy.

Then I got older. And I realized that I didn't really know all that much. First of all, I didn't understand anyone because people act so darned strange and do absurd things. People have reasons for stuff that I just don't get.

So, the older I got, the less I knew. My intelligence was diminishing each year. But, for my loss of intelligence, I was granted patience, something I didn't have when I was young. I could wait for things in a way I never could before. I wasn't sure it was such a good trade off.

Then I had kids. In exchange for my kids, I gave away my sanity. I'm not sure this is a fair exchange because you really do need your sanity to raise kids, but I also noticed that my sense of humor became fine-tuned, particularly when my oldest reached about 17. That was also when I learned that it is valuable not to speak to a seventeen-year-old. The best you can do is just listen and get away from them as quickly as possible. Plan to send them to a college far, far away. Or farther.

And now I am old. Or so my kids say. I'm dumber, fatter, more patient, and very funny. This is what I have learned. If you can laugh, you won't die. If you can wait, things will probably get better. Who needs brains?